The week between Christmas and the New Year greeted me with gentle signs that my body was preparing for birth. I would have daily mild contractions, beginning in the late afternoon and lasting through dinner, before tapering off by the time we tucked into bed for the night. Every few days I would alert my midwives of activity (contractions that would feel stronger, or closer together) but they never seemed to take off.
On New Years Day morning, I woke up and went to the bathroom. While wiping, I noticed a bit of pale pink bloody mucus, a sign that labor is not far off…I didn’t get too excited-days on end of sporadic contracting had conditioned me to keep cool, and not think too much into it. I texted my midwives the good news, and we all carried on with the day. My husband, Caleb made us a delicious breakfast and our three year old, Burleigh spent much of the day shoveling snow in our backyard, while Caleb sculpted the most majestic dragon head out of our snowbank.. It was around 4pm, when Caleb came into our room, letting me know that my dear friend was here with some goodies for when I go into labor; a gallon of laboraide, date balls, and some little tokens for Burleigh and this new baby. I had been taking a midday nap, which had become ritual during the last months of pregnancy and I didn’t get up to see her. I was not conscious of it in the moment, but my body was most certainly turning inward-much like animals do in the hours leading up to labor. I was quiet, the house was quiet, and my body was beginning to prepare for the birth of our baby.
It was around 6pm when I noticed the contractions taking all of my focus, and coming in waves closer and closer together. I texted my midwives the update, and for the next half hour (while we ate dinner) I timed them as they came. After a half hour had passed, I looked at my timer and realized that they were coming every 3 minutes or so, and lasting for 30-45 seconds. This was progress! I let my midwives know and settled in on our bed for the next hour as contractions continued in waves. Meanwhile, Caleb began filling the birth tub at the foot of our bed, and my sister, Claire took over duties with Burleigh and they began covering every heating surface in the house with pots of water to boil, in case our hot water ran out while filling the tub. It got to be 7:30pm, which on any other day is Burleigh’s bedtime, but Caleb and I had felt really strongly about letting him decide when and if he wanted to be with us during the birth, and so we let him stay up! As soon as Caleb had the tub filled a little past 8pm, I got in and it felt incredible…Caleb had been texting with our midwives throughout the evening, and they decided it was time to head over. Caleb also called our 3 dear friends who we had asked to join the birth (they are a few of Burleigh’s favorite people, and we felt that the more love and support he had during my labor, the more comfortable he would feel) and they began heading our way too.
By 9:30 our house was filled with the sounds of preparing. Our midwives were settling in, setting up their supplies and checking in on me and the baby’s heart rates. Our friends had settled in our living room, right outside of our bedroom where I was laboring, and were playing with Burleigh and keeping good company. I was becoming more and more vocal as the contractions increased in length and strength! As each contraction came, and with it my deep animal like moans, Burleigh would stop his play and come into our room to check on me and make sure I was alright. At one point late in the labor I remember him sitting at the foot of our bed, locking eyes with me as a contraction began to come, and saying to me “I’m keeping you safe mama, it’s ok!” and then turning to our midwife and checking in with her, “isn’t this crazy, Hannnah?!” He was so present, and aware of all that was happening, and also being held safely by all of the strong women around him that offered continued reassurance that yes, everything is ok, mama is ok…
By a little past 10pm, I was beginning to sense a shift in my laboring sensations, and intuitively felt as though pushing was not too far off. However, my rational brain could not wrap my head around this….How could this be?? I am feeling so good! The lights are on! I’m still talking to everyone! I know exactly where Burleigh is, and just gave him a kiss a moment ago! All of these factors were in such opposition of my previous birth experience with Burleigh, which I was not at all present for, was out of my mind uncomfortable, needing every ounce focus and every light and noise off.
At that point I knew that I needed a mental shift if I was really as close as I thought I was to meeting our baby! I asked my midwives between contractions how far along they thought I was (they had not yet checked me) and they both agreed I was likely near 9 cm dilated, which blew my mind… I surrendered my body to the next contraction, and then asked my midwife, Mell to check me. She confirmed that I was 9.5cm with a very small cervical lip, but that I should just follow my body and let it lead me.
With that information I was able to begin letting my body really take over. I began pushing with the next contraction. On the first push his head began to crown, and I reached down to feel his head right there, ready to come out! The next contraction came and lasted long enough for me to give three big pushes, and he somersaulted out of me, and into the water-it was 11:07pm, and Emmer was here with us earthside! I immediately yelled for everyone to get Burleigh-my pushing had been so fast that he wasn’t in the room when Emmer had emerged! Mell gently guided Emmer to me under the water, and when I lifted him up, I locked eyes with him for a moment before thinking to myself, “here is our daughter!” Ha! I then hugged him to my chest for the next few minutes, sobbing and taking in all of his first cries and gazes-he was so perfect and beautiful, and his little rolls were pinking up quickly. After a few minutes we lifted him up to fully examine him, and I laughed as I looked down and saw his little penis-once again a reminder that I have a lifetime of learning and grace with this little one.
A few minutes after Emmer’s birth I felt a gush, and the birth pool turned pink. Having experienced a very substantial hemorrhage with Burleigh immediately following his birth, I knew exactly what was happening. A few more minutes went by and I felt another gush, and the pool got darker. My midwife encouraged me to start focusing on the birth of the placenta. After a few more minutes of pushing, and her gently supporting me, I was able to birth the placenta, and my midwife immediately began getting me out of the tub. Upon standing up out of the water, my body began a third and more significant hemorrhage, and I just knew it was all happening again. My midwives responded immediately by sitting me down on the edge of my bed, our dear friends holding me up as I got a shot of Pitocin directly into my leg, and then a few vials of tinctures that tasted and felt like Fireball. Within seconds my midwives had stopped the bleeding, I remained stable throughout the entire bleed, and my vitals remained stable for the many hours following-bodies are extraordinary, and my body has an unbelievable ability to cope with hemorrhage!
Caleb left Emmer and I to put a very emotional and tender Burleigh to bed. It was hours past his bedtime and he had met every intense moment that night with so much bravery and strength. Caleb took time with him to make sure he felt safe and loved as he drifted off to sleep, before letting my sister take his spot in bed with Burleigh, and rejoining Emmer and I in the next room.
The next few hours were filled with skin to skin snuggling in bed, drinking plenty of laboraide that my dear friend had made for me, eating a nut bars that I had prepared for myself ahead of time, and receiving the most gentle and thorough care from our midwives. I had the unbelievable fortune of not tearing (though if you ask me, all of that collagen rich broth I was drinking throughout pregnancy helped my skin and tissue stay elastic and hydrated), and was able to pee with ease a few hours postpartum!
Emmer was beautiful and so perfect- 8lbs 8oz, and scoring two APGAR scores of 10! He found his latch and was nursing veraciously a half hour following his birth, and remained connected to me until around 12:45pm when we finally had my sister join us to clamp and cut the cord. Our midwives quietly drained the pool and cleaned up our room and started laundry, meanwhile checking my vitals every hour, as we snuggled in for the night. Our friends slowly began tucking themselves to sleep, and we went to bed that first night with every single bed in our house filled with warm bodies, who were there to witness this new life, and holding the four of us in their hearts.